Even Dumbledore Knows That Sirius Doesn't Dance
by JuliaKerns5
Summary: WARNING:Slash RLSB OneShot MWPP Era James wants an extra chance to ask Lily out, so he creates a Yule Ball. Sirius doesn't want to attend, however, because then he would have to dance. And he doesn't like dancing. Remus tries to sway his opinion. REQUEST


_Disclaimer_: I do not own Harry Potter.

"Why can't we have a Yule Ball?" James whined, scowling at his eggs.

"Prongs, what are you on about?" Sirius asked, buttering his toast languidly.

"I want to have a Yule Ball," James continued, picking at his breakfast.

"Why the hell do you want a ball?" Sirius pestered. "I've _seen_ you attempt to dance."

"Yeah, and I wasn't that bad!" the bespectacled boy cried indignantly, "anyway, I want a ball because then I'd have another chance with Evans and she'd finally see my… well… irresistible charm." James smirked smugly.

"Uh… I don't think your dancing is very charming, Prongs." Remus said sheepishly, pouring himself pumpkin juice, "Juice, Padfoot? Wormtail?"

"I'll take some, Moony," Sirius requested, "but I totally agree with Remus, James. There's no chance that you could get Evans over a ball."

James acrimoniously dropped his fork, "Excuse me, Sirius, but I think my dancing skills would impress Lily Evans all the way to the Giant Squid and back."

"You do know that the Giant Squid isn't all that far away, right?" Remus asked.

James frowned. "Shut it, Moony. Anyway, don't you think it would be totally cool to have a ball?"

"No," Sirius said immediately, "sorry, Prongs, but I really don't. I don't dance. I'm not a girl."

"You can still dance and be manly! You just have to lead!"

Sirius shook his head. "No, no, no, you see, they make up all of this leading shit just so dancing seems okay for both gender – it's not!"

Remus tilted his head at Sirius curiously, "I like dancing, Padfoot. Am _I_ a girl?"

"I – no, of course not! That's not what I meant, Moony!" the black-haired boy said hastily. Remus chuckled.

"But honestly now, James, your dancing is… amateur, why would you want a ball?"

James pouted. "My dad told me all about the Yule Ball when _he_ was in Hogwarts. It sounded so _bloody awesome_! I want to have one too, but we're not going to have one in our years here."

"What a pity." Sirius drawled sardonically.

Remus sharply slapped his hand across Sirius' shoulder. "Be nice!" he commanded, turning to James, "if you want to have a Yule Ball, why don't you just make your own?"

"Puhh!" Sirius condescended, "like James could pull off something like–"

"You know what, Moony," James interrupted, "that's a great idea. What do you say, Pads? We could totally do it! Like a Yule Ball for only Gryffindors!"

"Uh, Prongs, no."

"I'll give you five galleons!"

"Do you even have five galleons?" Sirius challenged doubtfully.

"I… no." James said despondently.

"Then no."

"How about a galleon and two sickles?"

"No."

"How about dibs on the shower in the morning?"

"No." said Sirius.

"How about privacy in the dormitory when you have a bird up there?"

Sirius considered James' offer, "No." he finally said.

"How about… um… Moony, help me out here!" James nudged the werewolf gently.

"Okay. Padfoot, if you help James make a Yule Ball for the Gryffindors, I'll forgive you for that prank you pulled last year."

Sirius pursed his lips, dropping his utensils and looking gravely across the table, "You said you had already forgiven me for that a long time ago!"

Remus shrugged, "Meh," he said half-heartedly, "but I'll never mention it again if you help your best friend get the girl he thinks he's in love with."

"Hey, wait a moment, _thinks_ he's in love with?" James repeated, peeved.

"Shush, Prongs!" Remus ordered, "anyway, c'mon, Sirius!"

Sirius sighed, drinking at his goblet broodingly, "Fine. Only if I get that galleon and two sickles from James, though."

"Deal!" James extended his hand across the table, shaking Sirius' fingers like a lifeless rag doll being shaken about by a playful puppy.

"I don't see why you took his side." Sirius murmured to his plate, glancing briefly at Remus.

"Because it's already seventh year! Prongs doesn't have all that many more chances to ask out Evans."

"Thanks, mate." James said, rolling his eyes.

"They're true words, James."

James shot Sirius a nasty glare, before dropping his poise and sighing, "Fine."

oOoOoOo

"Do we want to invite some Hufflepuffs along, or do we want to keep the ball entirely Gryffindor?"

"Ooh, yes, we should invite other houses!" Remus piped up from his bed, "I have a friend in Ravenclaw I want to ask to come."

Sirius put his hands on his hips doubtfully, turning to face Remus, "Is this person a _girl_?" he asked skeptically.

Remus nodded, "Yeah… why, is there a problem?"

Sirius tutted, ignoring the question purposefully, "Is she your _girlfriend_?"

"No, she's just a friend."

The black-haired boy raised his eyebrows suspiciously, "Are you asking her _out_ to the ball?"

Remus raised his hands innocently, "Would you relax, Sirius? What's with the tone?"

"Someone wants to ask Remus to the dance." James said teasingly, rolling his eyes. Sirius swiftly corrected him.

"Hey! I do not! If anyone wants to ask Remus out, it's this slutty Ravenclaw!" he readjusted his robes jerkily, "we're _not_ inviting people from other houses." He added snippily.

"Padfoot, aren't you asking a girl to the ball?" James offered, grinning encouragingly.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because then they'll ask me to dance with them."

"So?"

"Didn't I tell you?" Sirius snapped, "I don't and can't and won't dance."

"Woah, someone's rhyming." Peter said from the other bed, chuckling.

"Stuff it, Pete!" Sirius yelled, "honestly, I don't want to dance."

"Come on!" Remus encouraged, "I've seen you chicken dance before. And hula dance." He pointed out.

Sirius pointed his finger sternly at the werewolf, "That was New Years Eve, and you and I both know that I was _very_ drunk," he said, "but anyway, if I ask a girl, she won't want to chicken dance. She'll want to waltz and tango and stuff."

"Fine, fine, fine, don't dance, but you can still ask a girl." James said.

Sirius fidgeted with a loose string on the hem of his robes edgily, "I don't want to."

"What _now_?" James asked exasperatedly. "She'll want you to braid her hair, stuff her bra? What's with you and birds these days?"

"I'm not sure," Sirius answered truthfully, scratching at the back of his head, "I – uh, look, let's get back to the invite list. Hufflepuffs or not?"

"I vote no," Remus said sourly, "they're too happy. Whenever I see them it's like a slice of sun has just walked next to me. And sure, the sun is nice, but it's a bit too bright, if you know what I mean."

"The man's got a point."

oOoOoOo

Sirius looked at himself in the mirror, critically analyzed the bulkiness of his robes.

"Hey James," he called into the bathroom, smoothing down the wrinkles on his shoulder, "does this robe make me look fat?"

"I dunno!" a truly terrified voice answered from the bathroom, slightly muffled.

Sirius rolled his eyes, walking over to the door. "James, I can hear the sweat in your words. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Tonight could be the night I kiss Evans! Tonight could be the night Evans agrees to go out with me!"

Sirius sighed, leaning against the door. "You say that every morning, James. Besides, did we even send Evans an invitation?" he asked lazily.

"Yes! I sent her, like, four, just to be sure!"

"Okay, but is she even coming?"

There was silence, before James uncertainly spoke again, "I think so. All of her friends are going."

"Look, would you stop hogging the bathroom? Some people aren't ready yet and need to use it too!"

"Don't be such a girl, Padfoot! What do you need, eyeliner? A compact? Because I'll just slide it underneath the door along with your sex change!"

Sirius pounded on the door furiously, "Stop it! Get out of the bathroom _now_!"

"Fine!"

James hesitantly opened the door, peeking out.

Sirius burst into laughter.

The first thing he noticed was that James had fruitlessly slathered his hair in what looked like a trunk full of hair gel. It was goopy. It was slimy. It was green.

"What the hell did you do to your hair, have a dog lick it?"

James touched his hair fondly, caressing it with his fingertips. "Do you think Evans will like it?"

"James, it looks like you _swam_ here."

James frowned, putting his hands on his hips crossly, "Hey, that robe _does_ make you look fat!"

oOoOoOo

Sirius had not asked a girl to come to the ball. He did, however, reject three of them, which resulted in one slap across the face, one cold shoulder, and one awkward crying session. The girl had burst into tears, like a broken hosepipe, before running off in dismay.

Sirius had watched her go incredulously, shrugging it off with a shower later on.

Now that he was at the ball, sitting casually in a fluffy burgundy armchair of the Gryffindor common room, he had still been asked to dance four times.

Sirius didn't dance.

Remus knew that.

James knew that.

Peter knew that.

Hell, Dumbledore probably knew that too.

It was not that Sirius was a bad dancer, he just did not enjoy moving his body in a way that only eels did. So there he was, pretending to be pitifully drunk in his chair with an empty bottle of firewhiskey that wasn't actually his strewn over his lap.

"Hey," a girl with brown hair said flirtatiously, bouncing up to him, "wanna dance?"

Sirius shook his head drunkenly, "Nnnrgh," he slurred, sending her a crazed smile, "too dr'nk. St'p on feet."

The girl sauntered off morosely, her spot only to be replaced by Remus, who slapped Sirius on the back smilingly, "Good acting, Jack Nicholson."

"Who?"

"You know, the actor," Remus sighed, "doesn't matter. Have you seen James?"

Sirius smiled, laughing as he pointed to James' shifty form in the corner of the common room, "He's sweating like a waterfall," Sirius cupped his hands over his mouth, shouting effectively across the room, "yo Sherlock, you have to talk to the girl if you want her to notice you!"

James snarled at Sirius, sending him a warning glance, before he imperiously strutted over to Lily and tapped his finger on her shoulder sheepishly.

"Ooh, look, she's not slapping him!" Sirius whispered to Remus eagerly as they both watched Lily turn around to face James.

"Look, I wanted to ask you something." Remus interrupted, getting in front of the black-haired boy.

"Uh huh?"

"You want to give dancing another try?" the werewolf suggested pleadingly.

Sirius' smile took a u-turn as he attempted to get out of the chair, "Oh, no no no, not you too Moony, _I don't dance!_" he whined.

"Come on! It's our special Marauder Yule Ball. And just for a minute or two, please, Padfoot?"

"What, dance with you?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah."

Sirius rubbed at his neck uneasily. "But, but you're a boy."

"I think I know that, Sirius," Remus said, rolling his eyes, "c'mon, what does it matter if I'm a boy? It's just dancing."

"Just dancing!" Sirius mocked incredulously, but when he saw the pout on Remus' face he silenced, "all right, all right, but just for a minute."

Remus beamed, offering his hand to Sirius, who took it with a grumble, "Who's leading?" he said gruffly.

"You are, of course. I know you wouldn't be comfortable with _not_ leading, so you'll lead. You won't feel _manly_ otherwise." Remus emphasized on the _man_ part, using air quotes.

"Hey, what's with the air quotes?" Sirius said heatedly, standing up. He stared blankly at Remus. "Where am I supposed to put what?"

Remus laughed, taking Sirius' free hand and putting it on his waist. "Just relax. We're not chicken dancing anymore."

"Oh shut up."

Remus chuckled good-heartedly, giving the other boy's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Now just move your feet."

Clumsily, Sirius did. He stepped on Remus' toes inelegantly. "Oh god, I'm sorry, Remus!"

Remus chuckled again, "Just keep on moving, Padfoot," he said, rolling his eyes, "see, you're doing better."

"Am I, or are you just saying that?"

"I dunno, which one do I have to say so you'll shut up?"

Sirius frowned, "Don't people talk when they dance?"

"Usually not." Remus replied.

"Fine, look, can we stop dancing now? I'm feeling all girly now."

Remus ceased moving, a look of understanding slowly creeping into his face. He smiled, "Oh, I see what this is about," he said, not letting go of his grip on Sirius, "you don't like dancing because it makes you feel girly."

"Yeah, so?"

"And you wouldn't have a problem with that unless you had a problem with your sexuality and your preferences," Remus analyzed, tilting his head at Sirius questioningly. Sirius looked away automatically, wordlessly attempting to move away, "Padfoot, are you gay?"

Sirius looked at Remus again, bitterly this time, "So what if I am?" he said roughly, "if I wouldn't know better, I'd say that you are too. Why else are you dancing with me right now, close enough to feel out all of the coins in my pocket with your thigh?"

Remus flushed scarlet, but still kept his grasp on Sirius firm, "Why _am_ I dancing with you?"

The other boy was silent, "Uh… am I supposed to answer?"

"I dunno. I'm still waiting for you to answer the first question."

Sirius squinted, searching his brain as he ineptly shuffled his feet to the music that was purely in the background to his mind, "I'm sorry, what was the first question again?"

"Are you gay?" Remus asked again, "I mean, is that why you didn't ask anyone to the ball? Or why you agreed to dance with me but not all of the other desperate girls in the room?"

"No!" the Animagus said forcefully, "I'm not dancing with you because you're a guy, I'm dancing with you because… because…"

"Because why?"

Vaguely in the back of his mind, Sirius wondered why they were _still_ dancing. The conversation was turning quite heated, and in Sirius' side, quite uncomfortably awkward, but yet they were still hand to hand, sweaty palm to sweaty palm. Sirius' hand was still on Remus' waist and Remus' hand was still on Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius ambiguously registered in the back of his mind the idea of madly running away from the werewolf, not only because this conversation had enough sexual tension to be cut with a samurai sword, but because he was having the conversation with _Remus_. Of all people, why _Remus_?"

"Well?" Remus ordered impatiently.

"I – I dunno." Sirius said truthfully, trying to avoid the piercing amber eyes that were so blatantly right in front of him.

It was then that Remus lifted himself up by the tips of his toes, leaning up to give Sirius an unremarkable and all in all unnoticeable kiss on the cheek before leaning down again.

Or maybe he wasn't leaning down again.

The brilliantly gold orbs were right in front of Sirius' face. In a way, Sirius was frightened of their proximity and the fact that there was a house full of Gryffindors (and a few Ravenclaws that had wormed their way into the party) all around him and Remus, probably watching them with eyes filled with horror and repugnance.

He was nervous.

And damn, _Sirius_ was the extrovert.

"Can I answer that question for you?" Remus offered in a small, almost mouse-like voice, as though Remus was Sirius' prey and he was begging for release and a chance of mercy.

"I – uh – I – nnrgh–"

"You're not drunk, Sirius," Remus whispered.

"Maybe I'm drunk on you."

Remus smiled faintly. "I'm still waiting for you to answer my question, Padfoot."

"Which question, dammit?!"

"Can I answer that question for you?" Remus repeated softly.

"Can you answer _what_ question?" Sirius said cluelessly.

"Wow. You're _really_ out of it, aren't you?"

Sirius nodded helplessly.

"So about we just skip the cheesy dialogue and I just go ahead and kiss you?" Remus offered, his eyebrows raised for an answer.

"Good idea."

Remus pushed their lips together, softly at first, as though waiting for Sirius to pull away in revolt and start screaming _Oh my god, ew, ew, ew, I didn't know you were actually going to do that!_ before both of them pressed together closer in reassurance. Sirius was still shuffling his feet feebly to the music that now had been completely turned off to his mind. The volume had become mute, and all that he could hear now were the adorable noises Remus was releasing from his mouth. And all he could feel was that Remus' tongue had gingerly swiped over the parting of Sirius' mouth, waiting for entrance as their lips moved together rhythmically, almost as though they were making music and a dance of their own.

Sirius accidentally stepped on Remus' foot. Remus made a quiet noise of surprise. Sirius swallowed it.

They pulled away, Sirius shiftily tossing glances around the two of them, bodies still pressed together in a dance. There was no one paying attention, as they were all too immersed in their own dances and merry chats.

"I think I'm gay." Sirius admitted timidly.

"I think you _are_ a bad dancer."

"I _told_ you before, Moony!" Sirius said pointedly.

"Not like I care, I was never interested in the dancing in the first place. I just wanted to see if I could get you to get up to dance." Remus confessed, shrugging.

"Dancing's not so bad. Maybe you could teach me sometime."

"Sure," Remus replied, smiling, "but I think we'll be busy doing other things in the near future."

"Like what?"

Remus smiled, shaking his head at Sirius' obliviousness before he pressed their lips together again, snaking his hands up to finger with the hem of the other boy's hair.

"Got the hint?"

"Yeah, I think I did."

_AN_: This was a SBR (Spring Break Request) from _RSNatalie_, who I must give a shout out to! She's been such a dutiful fangirl and reviewed basically all of my stories, so I admire her faithfulness! Thanks so much for reviewing, _RSNatalie_, your reviews make my day!

Anyways, you can still send in requests! I still have a few left to write before I can make updates for GDDT again :D


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